Office Training Video: Office Organization
by Red Witch
Summary: Apparently the only thing organized in this agency is how well everyone manages to drive Cyril crazy.


**I put the disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Archer characters somewhere. Don't know where. Just more fun from me.**

 **Office Training Video: Office Organization**

"Y'all did a lot more of these training videos than I thought," Ray remarked as Krieger set up another video to watch in his lab.

"Yeah we had a whole series we were going to use," Krieger said. "Unfortunately Ms. Archer saw most of these and thought it was for the best that they never see the light of day."

"Good call," Ray said. "Wait, **most** of them?"

"I sort of left one or two of the more disturbing ones out of the viewing lineup," Krieger said as the opening credits ran on the next video. "This is one of them."

"Krieger I've seen people shot and **murdered** on these videos," Ray remarked. "How much more disturbing can they get?"

"Here's a clue," Krieger said. "Cyril stars in this one."

"Oh good lord," Ray winced.

" _What is the best way to keep my workspace efficient?"_ Krieger was heard speaking over the title cards.

A shot of Cyril walking in the hallway was shown. _"One of the most important things for an efficient office is to keep things organized. Take my office for example."_

Cyril went to his office. _"In this video I will show you how an organized, tidy office can…OH FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST!"_

To say Cyril's office was a mess would be an understatement. Not only were papers and files everywhere, there was a substantial amount of what appeared to be vomit on the floor.

That was because Pam was vomiting into the wastebasket. Well at least trying to vomit into the wastebasket. She was only wearing her bra, panties and jewelry. Cheryl was passed out on Cyril's desk wearing only her underwear.

" _WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"_ Cyril shouted.

" _I think Krieger made a bad batch of groovy bears,"_ Pam groaned.

" _I did not!"_ Krieger was heard off camera. " _Did you eat them with my LSD breath strips again?"_

" _Maybe?"_ Pam said weakly. Before she vomited on the floor.

" _I thought you'd learned by now that was a bad combination_ ," Krieger clucked his tongue off camera.

" _That and the five day old beef nachos left in the fridge,"_ Cheryl moaned as she came to. She also vomited on the floor.

" _Why are you doing this in_ _ **my office**_ _?"_ Cyril shouted.

" _It was Mr. Archer's idea,"_ Cheryl shrugged.

" _Of course it was,"_ Cyril grumbled. _"GET OUT YOU STENCH COVERED SKANKS!"_

" _Okay, okay…We're going! Jesus!"_ Pam grumbled as the two women staggered out of the office.

" _So much for Mr. Hospitality…"_ Cheryl grumbled.

" _WELL AT LEAST YOU LEFT ME SOME OF MY SCOTCH TO DRINK!"_ Cyril shouted before he slammed the door of his office _. "Unbelievable! Every single time I think these idiots can't drive me any crazier! THEY DO!"_

Cyril winced in pain. _"Oh God! It smells like a drunken slaughterhouse in here!"_

" _Every day it's the same thing!"_ Cyril growled as he grabbed a bottle of scotch that was on his desk. _"I do nothing but try to be nice to these assholes and pull my weight around here and what do I get? Humiliation and beratement! VOMIT COVERED HUMILIATON AND BERATEMENT!"_

" _You think I don't know you people think I'm nothing more than a joke?"_ Cyril glared into the camera. He took a drink of scotch. _"That you idiots value chewing gum more than me? So much for that saying that every member of a team is a valued member! HA!"_

" _Actually I don't remember that saying,"_ Krieger was heard saying.

" _Unless they want me to cover their asses, yeah_ _ **then**_ _I'm a valued team member!"_ Cyril grumbled. He took a drink of scotch. _"_ _ **Cyril,**_ _cover for me and don't tell Mallory about whatever secret thing we're doing behind her back._ _ **Cyril,**_ _juggle the books to make it look like we're actually turning a profit so we can snow some clueless idiot to invest money in this dump of a sinking ship._ _ **Cyril**_ _, for the love of god grab a fire extinguisher because Cheryl set fire to a wastebasket again!"_

"This is where things start to get weird," Krieger warned.

 **"Start** to get weird?" Ray did a double take. "How much weirder can this **get**?"

 _"They are totally taking advantage of you Cyril,"_ Cyril said to himself.

 _"I know!"_ Cyril said back. _"But what can I do about it?"_

 _"You can grow some balls for starters!"_ Cyril snapped back.

"I believe that answers your question," Krieger remarked.

"And then some," Ray blinked.

Cyril took another swig of scotch _. "One of these days…One of these days I am going to be the one running things around here. And then things are going to be very different. Oh ho! Very different! If I can't do that. I'll just kill 'em."_

" _Maybe the next time I'm driving a vehicle and they're all in one I can simply go over a cliff,"_ Cyril giggled. _"Killing us all! KA-BOOOOOOOOOOM! WHY NOT? THEY ALREADY MAKE MY LIFE A FIREY PIT OF HELL! WE CAN GET THAT PARTY STARTED! HA HA HA HA HELLO SATAN! HEEEEEEERREE'S CYRIL!"_

Cyril then stopped. _"Or I could just embezzle all of the agency's funds again. Not like it's that difficult. Heh, heh…Yeah. I could make the Archers broke just like in Trading Places and…HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!"_

Cyril then stopped and blinked. _"What was I talking about again?"_

Then Cyril spoke to himself. _"Nothing important Cyril. Just take your pill and relax."_

" _Okay!"_ Cyril said cheerfully to himself. He took a pill from his desk and swallowed it with a big gulp of scotch.

"Wow I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm starting to get a little worried about Cyril," Krieger remarked.

"I sure hope this isn't some kind of huge red flag we're ignoring," Ray blinked.

"Do you want to do something about it?" Krieger asked.

"And by doing something about it you mean…?" Ray asked.

"Mind altering drugs and electric shock therapy," Krieger said.

" _He, he, he…"_ Cyril giggled on screen. _"One of these days I'll burn this place to the ground!"_

"Let's keep that option on the table for the future," Ray remarked.


End file.
